From Friday...

A post written on Friday, but published late...

Last night I attended The Jordan college group at North Coast Church as I have been for the past couple of weeks. It was a beginning of a new Series called, “Don’t Judge Me” which is a study going through the book of Judges. I went with Kd and Sarah, and along with them they met up with a few other people. It had been a long week for me…  dealing with loads and loads of school and working, and other personal issues… it just finally weighed down on me. So church was the perfect way to release it.

Pastor Jeff spoke on giving things halfway, whether we were partially obeying God, or partially giving our life… but what he pointed out was that partially giving something isn’t giving anything at all. In his words, “Partial obedience is disobedience.” I really sat there and thought about those words as he spoke them… I don’t ever want to give halfway ever again.

Towards the end of his sermon, he asked a question that pulled at my heart… “How many of you want to get married one day?” As people around the room raised there hands alongside of me, my heart ached. For the past year, when I thought of marriage or a wedding…. I thought of Aaron. The moment I felt that weakness, I asked God, “Please take away that hurt.” As Jeff continued he said, “So what if you are standing up there at the alter and your looking at the person you are going to commit to forever. You look into their eyes and begin saying your vows and your soon to be husband says in the midst of his beautiful vows, ‘I promise to love you, to take care of you… 364 days a year, 51 weeks a year, or halfway.’” It just put into a way I had never thought about before… my relationship with God should be like I am marrying him, like I am going to commit to him forever. So, with that thought process… I began writing my vows to God.

God,

Your grace is gratifying, your love is immeasurable, and your forgiveness is unending. You have loved me since the beginning of time; you have had faith in me since the day I was born. Unlike earthly and materialistic love, yours is never ending, unconditional, and undeserving. You have cared for me and watched out for me during moments I was struggling, moments I was wrong, and moments I felt pure satisfaction. When I turned against you, disobeyed you, and wronged you, you forgave me, you loved me, and you guided me. When I was afraid of the unknown, you encouraged me to not cling to worldly, familiar suffering but instead to rely on a love that was pure and perfect. God, my whole life you have been here craving a relationship with me and now I am standing here ready to commit to you for the rest of my life. I, Julia Frances Callahan, give my life to you. I promise to love you, stand up for you, and remain by your side until you take me into your Kingdom. I promise that through my mistakes, my sins, and my transgressions… that I will come to you for forgiveness and strength. I promise to not live up to this world, but instead live for you. I promise to fight a battle on a daily basis in order to follow your ways. As you have stood by me, I will stand by you. Although my love and faith is imperfect, I promise to love you in every imperfect way. I give you my life, and I give you my heart. I give you the number one place and priority in my life, and I surrender all to you.