I would do anything to go back, I'd do it all again of God would allow it. I don't regret anything, but all I feel is sadness and anger, but mostly disappointment. Memories haunt me every moment, and the only time I feel at peace is when I'm asleep, which only comes in portions of an hour or two if I'm lucky. I'm all torn up inside. I made it through one class yesterday, then I couldn't make it.... My mom spent the day with me... Allowing me to just cry and she holds me, allowing me to just pour everything on her, all my confusion. My mom wakes me up every morning and assures me every hour how much she loves me and comforts me and tells me how wonderful I am. I'm thankful for her, for my family being there for me when I have no one.... It's so bad that I can't even tell my best friend... I can't talk to anyone, because I feel so hurt. I'm trying my best to believe that this is Gods plan... And this heartbreak was needed... Because when you love someone, it's enough... You don't just walk away from someone you love... A life without love will never be complete. The only love I can rely on, which I should have to begin... Is Gods. In this confusion, this pain, this hurt I'm trying to rely on God... Struggling with not hurting myself, I'm holding onto God and my family.
God please help me, help take away pieces of this sadness every day.... Help me to make it through today. Because God, as much as I love him and would give up my life for him... I need to let him go.
God please help me, help take away pieces of this sadness every day.... Help me to make it through today. Because God, as much as I love him and would give up my life for him... I need to let him go.
"The purpose of life is to GROW. The nature of life is to CHANGE. The challenge of life is to OVERCOME." - William Arthur Ward
ReplyDeleteI know that there is nothing I can say that will change the way you feel... There is no "quick fix" or easy way out here. However, I know you will recover from this and you will move on. You're stronger than you think. And no, you will never love anyone as you love Aaron, nor SHOULD you - embrace your love and the time you had together, don't be angry at it. It was a growing, learning experience. You will love again and always love each person DIFFERENTLY in your life - each in their own way and in different amounts. The important part is that you ALWAYS have love to give and that you recognize the love in which you receive from others who support you. The purpose of love is to give - give, give, give. God fills you with enough love to give away freely a million times over(and he wants you to!). Never stop giving love, even if it is not returned! God fills your mother with love. It his partly his love, and his arms, that wrap around you to give you comfort. Don't be afraid of love. And please don't hurt yourself. Your heart aches from the rejection of Aaron's love - God's heart will ache if you reject the beautiful life, body, and breath that he gave you.
GROW-CHANGE-OVERCOME... You HAVE this power.
I cannot tell you how much I needed to hear that... Its been really difficult for me to reach out and even tell my best friend what has happened...and I knew that the only way to get it out was to write on my blog and I am so thankful that you happened to be a follower at this rough and difficult time of my life. Your words are so encouraging, and I respect every part of it... I am truly thankful for your kindness towards me.
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