How do I shake this feeling of loneliness? Or this empty feeling I have in my heart? Right when I start feeling like I am going to be okay it changes... the moment I'm alone the emptiness fills my body. I have lost 5 pounds, in four days... and my heart is torn, eyes are tired, and my soul feels empty. I know that only God can fill these feelings of rejection, emptiness, and give me hope. I know I am on the road to finding peace in my heart, losing insecurities, and learning how to love again. I have chosen to put all my focus on God, give him my heart and soul... because he won't ever turn away from me. God will always embrace my love, be thankful for my love, and accept me the way he made me. This morning I had my bible study, and I learned something that really caught my ear, "If someone handed you their invention, you wouldn't know how to work it or what it's purpose was... thats why you either look at the owners manual or better yet, as the creator of this invention." We are God's invention, he our creator, the owner's manual is his word of God... We aren't going to know our purpose or how we work... only our creator does. So although I want to know God's plan for my life, I can't and I won't.... but that's faith isn't it? Putting your trust in the God of the Universe who knows better than us anyway. They say trusting someone is harder than loving someone and that trust is the way to the greatest love... something I think Aaron struggled with, trusting me and loving me to that extent. God wants me to trust him with everything I have. His plan will become clear to me more everyday, and eventually I will be able to shake this feeling of absence. After all, maybe part of loving is learning to let go...
As questions fill my mind about Aaron, I have to go to God for the answers.
He is my God.
He is my love.
He will heal this broken heart.
xoxo,
jewels
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