Every day of this life is a journey, its a war. Everyday we fight for what we believe in, for what we love...and for who we love. As much as I wish I could plan my life out the way I want it to, it wouldn't compare to the plan God has for me. I know I am in a dark place right now, but I recognize the light at the end of the tunnel and I know that God leads me only to greater places. For even God says in James 1:2-6, "Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to al without finding fault, and it will be given to him." As upset, sad, hurt, depressed, angry, and all those negative feelings Satan wants me to feel...I know God is fighting for me to pull me out of this. Who am I to stand up to the God of the universe and tell him my plan is better? This journey isn't going to be an easy one. I hope and I pray that maybe someday God will put Aaron somewhere down my path, with open arms and an open heart. I pray that even if Aaron isn't a part of my journey, that I be thankful for the time I got with him...because in the past seven months...Aaron Duane Baker changed my life, he changed my heart, and changed my soul all for the greater. As much as I'd love to hate him and be angry towards him, I love and respect him. He will go on his own journey, with his own two feet and find the man God needs him to be. I don't know my future, I don't know Aaron's future... But I'm going to begin healing, starting with prayer for both Aaron and myself. God will take the good with the bad, and make it better his plan...I know my future is bright and shining as long as I take this journey with God...God wants my focus, my heart, and my life and I guess the only way to give back to the God who gave it all for me, is to submit my life in return.
God please begin healing me, take my heart and mend it. God take Aaron's heart and form it and guard it...God I pray for only the best of things to happen in his life...and that letting go of him be a act of love and sacrafice and understanding. Help us both to lean not on our own understanding, but to rely on you, God. I pray for strength, and I pray for hope that daily we can recognize that you are in control. Lord you know the love I have in my heart for this wonderful man...and whether you give me the oppurtunity to love him ever again...God show him my love and make him aware of my unconditional love.
We will see where this road takes me.
xoxo,
Jewels
This song will forever bring back happy memories... sad tears of missing you... I'll always love you Aaron.
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