Be Brave

There I was, hands sweating and legs shaky, I was stuck in the middle of one of my first times lead climbing. It was hot, my knee was hurting, and my mind was trying to get the best of me as I gripped the rock tightly. Cory was below me belaying me, and a man and woman stood off to the side watching me attempt this climb. I was frustrated and I was scared and I kept telling myself that I couldn't do this regardless of what Cory or the couple watching said. I was stuck. I couldn't seem to trust my feet enough to move from my sturdy stance, the next move was too far, it seemed out of reach, at least for me. As minutes passed, I stayed in the same place, unable to make any kind of movement. "Keep at it," the man said, "it is in these moments that you have your biggest break-throughs."

I wasn't moving forward and I wasn't climbing down, instead I was at a stand-still, allowing myself to be completely vulnerable in a place and moment of weakness. So I built up the guts, and found some trust and found myself at the top of my first 5.8 lead climb.

Growing up I wasn't involved in many sports, unless you count cheerleading, which most people don't. I hardly pushed myself to excel in physical activities, not because I couldn't, but because it was foreign to me. I stuck to what I knew I was good at, rather than trying something new and learning if I was good at anything else.

Climbing has been a challenge for me, its been a growing process, but most importantly it's been such a real example of what life is meant to be, and even an example of what our relationships with God are supposed to be like.

Vulnerability, "the state of being exposed."

Each time I find myself on the wall, I find the unfamiliar feeling of vulnerability. It's an uncomfortable feeling and most the time I find myself giving into those feelings and giving up. But when I take a look back at that day on my first lead climb, I remember what that man said, "It is in these moments that you have your biggest break-throughs." BOOM, it hit me so hard. In our weakest moments, perhaps our most painful, is when God can truly use us and work through us. Because we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, or exposed, we are able to present our true selves and our true feelings rather than the masks we try and wear.

When we give into the vulnerability, we lose. We lose sight of every ounce of trust and ability to move forward and instead focus so hard on what we cannot do rather than on what we can do. What happens if I slip? What if I can't make the move? What if I can't hold on? What happens is, you fall into the harness, it catches you. But let me ask you this: what happens when you don't slip, when you do make the move, when you do hold on, when you push through those doubts and vulnerability? It's when you make your biggest breakthroughs... You realize you are capable and that the vulnerability is a fleeting emotion and able to be conquered.

I encourage you, whether it be in physical activity, your relationship with God, your relationship with others, or even just with life to push through your doubts and instead of remaining stand-still in a moment of weakness, to push on. Because whether you find success, or you fall... We serve a God who catches us, who uses us, who uses the good and the bad, the success and the failure.

Do you remember the story of Peter, when Jesus asked him to walk out onto the water? He asked him to do the impossible. Most of the time, God isn't asking you to do the impossible... Most of the time, he is asking you to just be brave and make a step in any direction.

So be brave, take chances and live your life... because I promise you that whether you find success or you find failure, there will still be accomplishment in the fact that you tried and pushed yourself in moments of vulnerability. Because it is in those weak moments, that we have our biggest breakthroughs.

The Proposal

It all began when Cory and I embarked on an adventure with two of our closest friends, Steven and Sheena. Wednesday night we (Steven) drove through the night to arrive in Yosemite Valley at 4:00AM. When we arrived, Cory whipped out his sleeping bag and waited in line for wilderness permits and if we were lucky we would be able to get permits for half dome as well. After a slight change of plans, we began our adventure that same day.

The first day of our backpacking trip was mostly switchbacks in high elevation, which was very difficult for me due to my breathing and forgetting my inhaler. But after a long trek, we finally made it to the second lake of Sunrise Lakes and it was more than worth it. We spent the afternoon setting up camp, jumping off rocks, and swimming to the island.

Sunrise Lakes at Sunrise

Swimming in Sunrise Lakes!

The next morning when we rose, Cory and I sat out on a rock near the lake for about 20 minutes just soaking up the beauty that our God placed before us. Before we knew it, we were back on the trail and heading to Cloud’s Rest. The hike up Cloud’s Rest was probably one of the most nerve-racking things I have ever done. With a drop on both sides of thousands of feet, it’s safe to say that I was shaking in my boots, literally. But just like most things in life that challenge us, the growth and the outcome are so much greater than the fear that keeps us from even trying. When I made it to the top, the view was breathtaking and I felt so accomplished after facing my fear of heights. However, my true fear was not Cloud’s Rest, but the hike we would be attempting on our last day… Half Dome.

Hike up to Cloud's Rest

That night at camp we talked a lot about Half Dome, mostly about my nerves and how it wasn’t an option: I was getting to the top. When I talked out loud, I tried to sound as confident as I could. But inside my heart raced at the thought of how high I would be and the risks of falling or slipping. We celebrated our last night in the back country with a freeze-dried food fest and hot chocolate. When the rest of us headed to bed, Cory was able to finally fulfill his dreams of seeing and scaring off a bear. The rest of us may not have seen the bear, but were definitely entertained by the sounds of Cory scaring it off.

We rose at 5:30AM to clean up camp and head to the Sub Dome to begin our hike up Half Dome. Not too long after we began our hike Sheena and Steven forgot something and turned back which left Cory and I getting a head start on our hike. I knew this was part of God’s plan because it allowed for a lot of time of prayer and focus during this quiet time. After a while of incline, we finally reached the base of Sub Dome where Cory realized he forgot his permit and any form of identification. Luckily, the park ranger asked him a few questions and went ahead and let us through.

Stair after stair, we finally made it to the top of the Sub Dome and took a seat as the infamous Half Dome stared me straight in the eye. From where I was standing, it looked completely vertical and unattainable. I didn’t allow myself to stare too long, because I knew that in my mind it would only look bigger and bigger the longer I looked at it. So I tightened my boots, pinned back my hair, and we walked toward the cables. 

After praying with our group and a few others, we didn’t hesitate starting up the cables. Steven went first, who was followed by Sheena, then myself and Cory. I gripped both sides of the cables and with each step I planted my feet firmly on the rock. My motto in life is to always “Take Pride in Little Victories” and I followed this with this challenge. Every 10 feet there was a piece of wood to stand on and each of those were my “little” victories ultimately leading me to one of my biggest accomplishments yet.

With my head down, I went up the cables quietly mostly because in my head I was praying and asking God to do it with me. In front I had encouragement from both Steven and Sheena, and behind me Cory was cheering me on the whole time. Before I knew it, I hear Steven yelling “This is really happening!” and I knew we were nearing the top. A rush of emotions, including excitement and adrenaline, flooded me as I made it to the top.

I still cannot explain the way I felt at that very moment because it was such a foreign feeling. I had never challenged myself in any way like that and the reward was so pure. And I know looking back why God placed Cory in my life. He not only prays and helps me through my fears, but he also challenges me to face my fears, to conquer them. In every aspect of my life, he teaches me not to put limits on myself mentally, physically, and spiritually because ultimately our God is limitless. At the top of Half Dome, it was the first time I truly challenged myself in all aspects, leaving me feeling simply limitless.

As if that epiphany wasn’t enough, more emotion was headed my way. After taking some pictures of Steven and Sheena out on the diving board, Cory and I headed out to do the same. After waiting for one of the two Brazilian couples for about five minutes, I heard the other couple yell something in Portuguese to the couple on the diving board, and they quickly hopped off. Then it was our turn, we walked out to the edge of the diving board and quickly posed for a few photos because I was anxious to get off of the ledge. When we finished, I went to turn around and walk away when Cory says, “Wait a minute. You just accomplished probably one of the scariest things you’ve ever done. With that, I have a question for you.” “No you don’t!” I spitted out of my mouth without hesitating as I am thinking, what could he possibly have to ask me on a ledge 3000 feet off the ground? He continued, “You are my best friend, and I love you more than anyone in this life. I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else.” Then before I could blink, he reached in his back pocket and got on his knee while tears ran down my face. “Julia Callahan, will you marry me?”

There I stood, thousands of feet off the ground after conquering my fears, the man I’ve prayed for since I was a little girl was on his knee asking to keep me forever. With cheering and screaming from people who were watching, I said yes to forever and yes to always with this incredible man God blessed me with.

I had dreamt about that moment for my whole life, and it is so beyond anything anyone can imagine or can explain. Just like my rush of emotions when I conquered Half Dome, I couldn’t quite explain how I felt other than feeling limitless. For lack of a better word or explanation, it actually was the perfect word or way to explain us.

Our marriage and relationship with each other will be limitless and we will both encourage one another than our relationships with our Heavenly Father are that way as well. I could say that Half Dome changed my life, but Half Dome is just one of the locations God used to provide that change. It’s the people and the challenge and accomplishments that truly change our lives.

I once read a quote that stated, “I found my heart upon a mountain I did not know I could climb, and I wonder how many other pieces of myself are secreted away in places I judge I cannot go.” Life is about learning and true learning is about experiencing life and the challenges it offers. Find someone who makes you live life limitlessly, I certainly found that person for me and he’s not just my best friend, he is the man I get to share forever with and every mountain and rock in between.

Cheers to Adventure and Cheers to Forever.

The Mortal Man

Psalms 56:3-4 says, “When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”

I’ve always had this belief about scripture and really anything you read that you hear or translate things differently based on your circumstances or current time of life. This verse, which I have on a post-it note on my monitor at work, is one that I read on a daily basis as a reminder to trust in the Lord regardless of life’s circumstances. But over the past week or so, this verse has revealed so much more emotion.

Last week, a dear friend of mine Paige Nair, lost her husband in a motorcycle accident. As if that isn’t traumatic enough, she is due any moment for her first baby, Liam. As my prayers have been constantly for her, I’ve been putting myself in her shoes and each time it so difficult to find understanding, trust, and comfort…

“What can mortal man do to me?” How strong are these words?

As humans, I strongly believe that we live life as though we are almost invincible, as if there will always be a tomorrow. I find myself believing without a doubt that I’m guaranteed to get married, have kids, and grow old because that’s what is suppose to happen…right? Well, I am learning these past few months that life is so incredibly fleeting. When we are here on earth, we become attached to our lives although the Bible clearly tells us not to. We become attached to people, lifestyles, relationships, or even just the plans that we have. Then, being caught off guard, these people, lifestyles, relationships, or plans that we had are ripped from our fingertips without any understanding, which most always leads to anger, hurt, pain, confusion, bitterness, or depression because those things we held dearly we believed belonged to us. But if we are never guaranteed tomorrow, how can we claim anything to be ours? I am so troubled by this idea of not holding onto the things of the world but I am finding comfort in one incredible fact: I may not have the power to guarantee my life or the lives of the ones I hold dear to me, but I can guarantee that if they share the same belief in the Father as I, HE does have the power to protect them here on earth and a plan for their arrival into our true home in Heaven. I’ll tell you what mortal man can do to me, he can cause me hurt, anger, depression, unhappiness, and make me forget that GOD is never surprised by the happenings of our life; He is NEVER caught off guard by our circumstances.

There are so many things in life that we are unable and completely incapable of understanding, one of these things is death, especially when it is sudden. I cannot begin to understand the feelings of those who have lost loved ones too soon without the chance to say goodbye. But I do understand the God I serve and He is GOOD, He is POWERFUL, He is LOVING, and He is our FATHER who guarantees His children an eternity after this life. So although we won’t ever be able to find understanding of the terrible happenings in this life, we can have peace that God knew it was going to happen and He has it all under control and holds us all so dearly and closely to His heart. It’s okay to be afraid, God calls us to be fearful, but we obey what we fear and we are called to trust and have faith.“When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”

Lock and Key

         Windows, doors, cars, safes, lockers, and suitcases… what do these things all have in common? They all have locks on them. We have grown up in a world that has made us feel insecure with leaving our possessions unlocked or unprotected of some sorts. Haven’t we done the same with our very own hearts? We get hurt once or twice causing us to lose trust in someone or something and we lock away our hearts for safe keeping, separating them from a world of hurt and pain. When really, our hearts are never really safe or secure in our own hands or even the hands of anyone of worldly matter. Instead, they remain safe and secure in the hands of the Lord who although remains unseen in heaven, is never truly separated from us. It’s easy to say out loud and possibly even to believe that our hearts remain safe somewhere, somehow, but is it easy to do?

         As a child, we are told about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and many other unseen characters. So when we are young we are taught and we learn to trust what is unseen. Although we later grow and learn that these are all fictional characters, we learn that there is one that remains constant: Our Father in Heaven. We look back and see where he was, how he worked and tested us, and when he kept our hearts in safekeeping. I was reminded yesterday by my dear friend Meredith that we need to believe in our Lord the way we believed in Santa Claus, not just by saying it, but by believing it and being filled with the spirit of Christ. When you ask a young child about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, they believe in it with their whole heart, without a doubt. If only we could capture that and truly understand why we are called the children of the Lord, to not only have faith and innocence, but also the absence of doubt.  We need to believe in our Lord without a doubt and that once our hearts remain in him, how safe and secure we are and that nothing can prevent us from reaching our eternal destination.  We live in a world where everything is locked up and stored away, whether it be our possessions or our hearts. What we do not realize is that there are so many locks and not enough keys and that the true key lies within the Lord when we choose to believe in Him.

“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known” {1 Corinthians 13:12}

“But when Jesus heard it, he answered him, saying, ‘Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole’" {Luke 8:50}

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” {Psalm 73:26}

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows" {Proverbs 4:23}

“But I was sure of something, too: it's a lot easier to be lost than found. It's the reason we're always searching, and rarely discovered--so many locks, not enough keys” {Sarah Dessen}

The Path Less Traveled

"You are on the path of My choosing. There is no randomness about your life. Here and now comprise the coordinates of your daily life. Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived. They avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place. They forget that they are creatures who are subject to the limitations of time and space. They forget their Creator, who walks with them only in the present. Every moment is alive with My glorious Presence, to those whose hearts are intimately connected with Mine. As you give yourself more and more to a life of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time to worry. Thus, you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the path of Peace." 

-Jesus Calling {05.01.13}

There is just something about knowing that there is no randomness about my life. That no matter how much free will I have, there is a kind of order and plan the Lord has for me. All too often, I find myself with my own plan, allowing moments to simply slip through my fingers like thousands of grains of sands. And those moments are precious because time is the one thing we cannot get a hold on or get back. We are always worrying about what has happened in the past or what will happen in our future, whether it is a few minutes in the past or a few years in the future, thoughts stream through our minds consuming our time and our feelings in the present. Let me ask you a question, how often does your mind focus on what you have to do, or simply worry about what has just happened in your life? Our mind is trained to this, because of the fast paced world we live in there is simply too much going on to focus on the present. We think about how our past decisions will impact our future ones, when in reality it's what we do NOW that matters. Why are we so quick to forget that we are imprisoned by time? There's nothing we can do to get back the past or obtain what lies ahead of us in the future. Instead we are limited to 24 hours a day because plainly, we cannot handle any more than that. 

There is no peace found in this world, simply temporary fractions of it. But we do have eternal peace on the path we walk with our Lord. "A life of constant communion..." what does that even look like? Its constant surrender, ongoing recognition of the blood that was shed for this very time we call the present that we all too often take advantage of. The exceedingly undeserving act that freed us and allowed us to walk a path that leads to eternal life with our Lord and Creator. Take a look back at your life; do you see any evidence of God's workings in your past? I guarantee you that His hands molded worrisome situations you felt were out of your control. Now what would it look like if we recognized that He is always present, always beautifully molding our lives and moments as we walk with him? Of course seeing the final product puts things into perspective and pieces it all together, but do we have enough faith in Him to let Him do His work as we simply enjoy and recognize his presence?  That's what the path of Peace looks like to me... because how could I worry about life and the distractions it presents, when I know the Creator of the very life I am living walks beside me for encouragement, communication, guidance, love, and grace. In that kind of life, there is no time for worry and no time to focus on anything besides the present. Take the path of Peace less traveled by.

Cloudy days, Cloudy daze.

Most of the time, cloudy days bring happiness and contentment and the excitement of sipping on something warm and snuggling up close to my favorite person under a warm blanket. Today, was a cloudy day and although it was the same weather that usually brings me those warm feelings, today was a little different than normal. Today, I was feeling distracted.

There has been this feeling I've had lately that has been wearing down my happy, joyful, normal persona and I have struggled lately to figure out exactly what that feeling is. And then today, when the clouds covered the sky I also realized that it too was my mind that has been clouded. I've struggled lately with worrying and stressing about small details in my life, not knowing I was giving Satan an open door into the most dangerous place he could enter into: my mind. I'm learning as time goes on that life is all about the mindset and when we trap our thoughts in our minds, we imprison them, allowing Satan to work between the lines of our thoughts. And my thoughts as of late, have begun affecting me and bringing me down to a mindset that is completely negative and worrisome, keeping me from sharing my feelings. 

I've never been the best at communication. I can sit down and talk for a hours, giving advice, but a lot of the time, I'm trapping my deepest thoughts and worries in my mind, giving Satan something to work with to bring me down. How did I make it so easy for him? Well, that's just how he works, like a lion waiting to catch his prey. Before I knew it, my mind was clouded and so was my judgement, causing me to be distracted and my feelings to be altered. And then I remembered...

When the sky is covered with dark and gloomy clouds for a long period of time, we start to forget what clear skies look like. We bundle up in our coats and scarves and conform to the weather and it isn't until the smallest of light that shines through those clouds that we truly remember what sunshine feels like. And one day, we wake up to clear skies and the warm sun which always makes us feel refreshed and renewed. 

We don't get to control what days are sunny and what days are cloudy, but we do get to control the mindset we have on those days. I won't allow my mind to be clouded any longer, because I see the sun shining through the smallest of places to remind me that those clouds simply cover, not erase what lies behind them and sometimes, all it takes is a little faith that the sunshine will come streaming though. 

Conquered

George Mallory, who took part in the first three British expeditions to Mount Everest once said, "People ask me, 'What is the use of climbing Mount Everest?' and my answer must at once be, 'It is of no use.' There is not the slightest prospect of any gain whatsoever. Oh, we may learn a little about the behaviour of the human body at high altitudes, and possibly medical men may turn our observation to some account for the purposes of aviation. But otherwise nothing will come of it. We shall not bring back a single bit of gold or silver, not a gem, nor any coal or iron... If you cannot understand that there is something in man which responds to the challenge of this mountain and goes out to meet it, that the struggle is the struggle of life itself upward and forever upward, then you won't see why we go. What we get from this adventure is just sheer joy. And joy is, after all, the end of life. We do not live to eat and make money. We eat and make money to be able to live. That is what life means and what life is for.” Today, I got to experience a bit of an adventure myself and that was my first outdoor climb. Growing up, I've always done what is right and good in the eyes of others. I always obeyed the rules and tried to learn from others' mistakes. It was rare that I did the unordinary, that I stepped out of 

my comfort zone and really lived. And today, I did just that. 

 

Words cannot really explain the feelings that flow through your mind and soul when you truly accomplish something you were afraid of and so hesitant about. But I did it. I put faith in myself and set my mind to doing something out of the box, out of my comfort zone, something challenging. The greatest part about the entire climb was reaching the top... not because it was over but because I accomplished something that I thought was out of reach. And in that very moment I realized what God wants for my life. He wants me to experience and live in his creation instead of worrying about what could happen. Matthew 6:27, "Can any one of you by worrying, add a single hour to your life?" Worry does nothing but allow ache and stress into the mind that God created to be free and passionate about his gift of creation and life. I am learning each & every day what it is like to truly be alive and most of the time it's doing something new and scary. With the right amount of caution and a good head on my shoulders I am learning that I can achieve what I put my mind to & today that is 

what I learned. Many people may think it's reckless or perhaps irresponsible... but it's so much more than what meets the eye.

A Symbol of God's Promise

Life is all about learning how to dance in the rain, its all about weathering the storm & taking what life throws at you... because most of the time, it's what God has placed directly in your path for you to overcome. What mountain did God place in your path to conquer? You are a conqueror & so am I. 

He sees the adventurer in me & so much more.

Tis the Season

Christmastime... it is always the same every year:

1. Get the Christmas Tree
2. Decorate it.
3. Drink Lots of Egg Nog.
4. Holiday Drinks
5. Sweaters, boots, & scarves.
6. Shopping
7. Christmas Parties
8. Ugly Christmas Sweaters
9. Christmas Movies
10. Christmas Music
11. The Christmas Story
12. Christmas Church Service
13. Christmas dinner
14. Candy & Cookies
15. Warm Fires

The list can go on and on about these annual events that are always exactly the same, and yet somehow, I never get tired of Christmas. Maybe the holiday music gets old after awhile and eventually I run out of red clothing and Christmas sweaters, but overall Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year. This year, I felt like it has been extra special though because I have been able to share it with someone so special to me. I think the thing I love most about the relationship I have with Cory is that we are both so different and yet we share so many things in common. It sounds ridiculous and may not make sense but if you have known Cory or myself for any length of time you are aware of how different our personalities are, but God designed us that way to perfectly fit together.
I am feeling immensely thankful this year for all that I have in my life: friends, family, church, and my relationship with God. Each day brings something new to be thankful for and each year around this time I find myself being extra grateful for this life and how I got this life which was all because God sent his son to be born in a manger by a Virgin. How grateful I am that I serve a sacraficial and graceful God.

Merry Christmas.

Life is a Climb

Lately, I have been realizing how much life is like a climb. You have to trust in your hands and feet, but most of all you need confidence in your mind and faith in every move you make. Sometimes, holding on is hard. It feels like you don’t have the strength to hold on or the power to make it past that one part. Whereas, sometimes you come across something you can really hold onto, something you can trust.

I have always had a hard time with trust. I’ve always allowed a pool of thoughts drown my mind in doubt. It wasn’t until I found Cory that I started to change this habit that I had adapted over many years. He has become that one part of my climb that I can hold onto with ease and trust that I won’t slip and fall.

And just like climbing, some routes are difficult and some of them are routine that can be done with ease. But the trick is to challenge yourself, push your limits, and face your fears. For a long time I’ve never known of doing these things, instead I placed myself in a mindset that I was unable or even worse…incapable.

This past week, I challenged myself in both my climbing and my life. After attempting one route for so long, I decided to try it one last time and I was determined to trust and have faith in my climbing. The higher I got, the more difficult it was to hold on and have faith that I wouldn’t lose strength. Finally, I reached for the final move and gripped the very top with both hands. “I did it” I said to myself quietly. I hung there for a second to see how far I had come then I let go and as I looked up to what I just accomplished I felt relief, success, and confidence.

In life, we have many routes, many trials. The further through these routes and trials we get, the more difficulty presents itself. It’s like the Devil is sitting there saying, “Just let go now. You don’t have the ability to finish this route or get through this trial.” Whereas, God stands at the top saying, “Just a few more moves, have faith, have confidence. Reach for my hand and I will get you to your destination safely. Trust in me. And when you get to the top and it’s time to fall, I will provide a safe landing.”

Jeremiah 7:8 says, “But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless.” How often I was trusting in the words of my deceptive mind, when all I needed was to find hope in my Lord? Could it be that simple?

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”   -Romans 15:13

Life’s a climb and sometimes, all it requires is some hope and a little trust that we have what it takes to accomplish anything. Not because we have enough strength of our own, but because we have the strength of a God who is all-powerful.  

Day Twelve of Thankfulness

I know I haven't been posting something everyday, but I try and write at least one every few days...
Today I am thankful for days off. This morning, I got to sleep in & wake up at my own pace. Made myself some hot cocoa mixed with coffee and did some homework. Spend the mid-portion of the day with my Mom and brother having lunch and shopping. I spent the rest of the afternoon sipping on coffee while I worked on a project for someone special. I forgot what it felt like to have a day for myself. Thank you Jesus for relaxation.

Day 6 of Thankfulness

Today I am thankful for Sophie.

Sophie and I grew up together. She was one of those middle school and junior high girls I envied before I really knew her. Towards the beginning of high school, people began mixing us up and calling us each others names. It wasn't until we were Sophomores that we finally connected.

In all the years I have known her, she has shown me the true meaning of strength and independence. With the smile she puts on every day, you would assume that her life is perfect. Wrong--she just holds herself at a higher level. She sees herself the way God sees her.

We have been through so much together. I couldn't be more thankful for the bond we have and the kind of friend she has been to me. I'm thankful that she's always been truthful, loyal, loving, and strong. Lastly, I am thankful for the laughter she's blessed me with over these years. It makes me smile just thinking about the endless nights we stayed up talking and laughing until we cried. Forever there will be memories hidden in my heart about this dear Sophie.

Cheers to Friendship.

Day Five of Thankfulness

Today I am thankful for my bible.

When I was younger, I always remember reciting "His Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path" but it wasn't until recently that I truly understood these words. When we memorize things, we don't usually pay too much attention to the meaning of the statements or words, we rather just try our best to memorize what we have to.

God's word truly is a gift to all of us. From Genesis to Revelation, he has given us real life stories, lessons, proverbs to live by, and most importantly: truth. Never once in the Bible does He send us astray, never once is there error. His words are timeless and will always be there as I change.

Thank God for the wisdom he put on every one of those pages.

Day 1 & 2 of Thankfulness

So, I know I am one day late but I really love the idea of expressing something your thankful for every day in the month of November. Since I missed yesterday, I'll do TWO today.

Today, I am thankful for my parents.

My Mom has a givers heart and has a passion for loving and caring for others. Her hospitality and creativeness have both created a beautiful, warming home, but also an even more beautiful and welcoming family. Sometimes, I don't give her enough credit for all she has been through in her lifetime. I have been blessed from the day I was born with nothing but goodness & open arms, something she wasn't always blessed with.

My Dad is someone I will always look up to. All the times he gave me advice that I turned my back on, he held and comforted me when I was wrong without saying "I told you so." All those things he told me not to do that I did anyway, he never judged or loved me any less...instead he accepted every wrong decision with his bear hugs. I can tell you one thing about my dad, he's the best man I've ever known and after a bad day, his hugs some how just make the small things seem a little less important.

Both of these people have molded me into who I am today. I'll always be thankful for what they have done and given me. Above all, they never stopped loving me and forever I will be grateful for that. 

A Changing of Leaves

This semester has been a whirlwind for me. Seventeen units for school, working 20+ hours a week, leading a growth group, and attempting to have free time has left me tired and stressed. I enjoy busy-ness for the most part, don't get me wrong I love my lazy days where I do nothing, but overall I love being productive and busy. But this wasn't busy, this was overdoing it. I began to forget what was important and was no longer prioritizing my life according to God... until he began reminding me. It didn't take long before I heard him. Every sermon, every growth group, every devotional, every bible passage... everything was reminding me of how busy-ness can be a sin. And one night at the Jordan, I finally just broke down towards the end of the service on, you bet--busy-ness. The overloading of plans the past few months had left me drained and filled with emotion and I was no longer going to let Satan bring me down to believe that this was a good way to live. My sister reminded me of a quote, "If you are too busy to spend time with God and in the Word, then you are too busy than God intended you to be."And finally, I am learning to slow down. God gives us twenty four hours in a day for a reason, because we cannot handle more than that. My body cannot physically and mentally handle more than those twenty four hours at a time, most of those hours which I need to sleep.

I am at a time in my life where there is change, both on the leaves of trees and in every one of my days. I'm finally pursuing a major I enjoy, I'm enjoying my job, I am in love with leading a growth group, and I am loving my relationships in my life both with God, my family, and Cory. Every day I learn a little more about Cory and about our relationship. Every day I find another reason to prove that we are meant to be together and that God especially planned for us to meet at the time we did. He is a continual blessing in my life and constant support...and that boy would do anything for me.

John Steinbeck once wrote, "Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass." I didn't take note of the change in my life until driving through Julian yesterday, seeing the changing of the leaves. A year ago, I was so lost and I had no clue where God wanted me. Now that I've opened myself to opportunity, he has been changing me from the inside out. And just like the colorful, changing leaves on those trees... I'm changing and falling in love with who God has made me.

Uncommon Individuals

You know those people that you never question why they are in your life, you just know they are supposed to be there? Well outside of family, those people are pretty rare.  Maybe they have always been there, or maybe they came at an unexpected time, or perhaps the perfect time. Regardless of when, they are there and you can’t really ever stop and point out the moment when they changed you. And when you first meet them, there is so much that you have already gone through that most wouldn’t understand, but it was almost as if they already spoke your language because they had been there once themselves. And with the touch of the hand, a kiss on the cheek, or a smile full of words, they somehow just erase everything that doesn’t matter and make you feel like you’re the only person that does. Most of these people are just ordinary people with extraordinary hearts and souls, walking through life not knowing how staggering and remarkable they really are. And something about them makes you feel like you can be anywhere in the world and still feel at home. Most of the time, these kinds of people go through life feeling like normal beings, living normal lives, when they are far from standard.

Hand-picked and made with me in mind, God placed Cory Sass in my life. Who has not only brought me closer to who I truly am, but closer to God. He’s one of these rare and precious gems that not everyone comes across in their lives. Forever I will hold him close to me and even though I won’t be able to point out when he changed my life, I will know that all that matters is that he did. And I’ll never question why he is in my life; I’ll just know that he’s supposed to be there. Most of all, I will always recognize how rare the kind of person he is and how rare a love like ours is.

A Great Reminder

"I hear You say My love is over,
It's underneath, it's inside, it's in between
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel
The times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
The times you've broken, the times that you mend
The times you hate Me and the times that you bend

Well My love is over, it's underneath

It's inside, it's in between,
These times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
The times you're hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal
In times of confusion and chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
My love, I will keep you by My power alone
I dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
I'll never forsake you
My LOVE never ends, it never ends"

                                                                 -Tenth Avenue North

Family.

"What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed there, regardless. It wasn't just about blood relations or shared chromosomes, but something wider, bigger. We have many families over time: our family of origin, the family we created, as well as the groups you moved through while all of this was happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them were perfect, and we couldn't expect them to be. You couldn't make any one person your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build a world from it."- Sarah Dessen

I read that quote awhile back when I read her book, Lock and Key and this weekend I was reminded of these specific words. When they came to my mind, I opened the book and found those lines and read them through over and over again. After doing so, I asked myself: "What is family, to me?" It was more than just a group of people I was born into. They were the people who we grow up learning from, the people whose genes are a part of our very own blue print. Chances are, most characteristics and things that make us who we are can be traced back to our parents and how they raised us and how they were raised. Growing up, I learned something different from each of my family members. From my Mom, I learned to give. She is a woman of God who gives with all of her heart, with no strings attached and no expectations for anything in return. From my dad, I learned strength and patience. He is the most knowledgeable, strong, and patient man I know in this entire world, he always, regardless of the circumstances, stayed strong and stayed loving and patient. From my Sister Ashley, I learned to follow my heart. She has always had the Independence and courage to do whatever she wanted, she took leaps of faith and did whatever it took to make her happy, she always took life into her own hands. From my brother Josh, I learned to always stand tall. He has always had a good head on his shoulders, and always has the ability to separate logic and emotion, and how to communicate both of those things. And lastly, my youngest brother Bradley who has taught me compassion. I have never seen or experienced a heart as big as his, who loves and cares deeply about those around him.

You see, although I only talked about a few things each person has taught me... They each have taught me something significantly different. I have been able to take what they had to offer, and turn it into who I am today. Families have trials, they have rough patches, they annoy you, get on your nerves... sometimes you don't know how you came from them.... but regardless of how you feel about your family, they are just that... your family. They were there the day you were born and they will be the ones sitting in the front row at our funerals. God HAND PICKED our families for us, for some reason these people that were born in, married into our families, are there for a reason. We may not ever be able to understand it, we may not always like it... but it is our job to trust that God knows what he is doing, and he knew what he was doing when he mapped out our lives and the people we would spend them with.

I pray that whoever you are, wherever you are... that you take a step back from the issues, the problems, the brokeness, the stubborness... whatever it is, and just thank God for the people he supplied you with. The people that have always loved you, regardless of the decisions or choices you have made. I encourage you to look at what these people can teach you, what they can do to help you be a better person... I encourage you to find the good in those around you, because its there... we are just so blinded by the factors of our fallen world, that we forget that Jesus saw the good in even the worst... the prostitutes, the liars, the cheats, the broken...

Romans 8: 38-39 says, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Love as Jesus loved, be a follower of a God who is LOVE.

The Best Love

It's that time of the year when school is wrapping up and summer is creeping closer and closer. I am finishing up my second year at California State University of San Marcos, and it has gone by much quicker than I imagined it would. Although I am usually the kind of person to make a plan and follow through with it... College has been different. I found myself starting out as a liberal studies major, studying to become a teacher one day... But then after two semesters, I changed my major to business to become a part of my family's business that my grandfather started. After only one semester I realized how unhappy I was with my decision. I wanted more than anything to be apart of the business and make a difference there... But I knew in my heart that this business degree would make me unhappy. So now I have changed yet again... I am now a Marketing and Communications major full time, and in the near future I will be taking classes for product design for the business and I am SO happy with my decision. But in order to move on to this next semester, I have to get through this one which is only about 3 more weeks. All the stress and busyness has seemed to be getting to me. I find myself more stressed and more tired than normal, I couldnt be more ready for Summer. Part of me wants to just hop in my car and drive... Without a plan and without a worry. I've found that lately, driving has been my getaway... It always has been, driving and writing. It seems to me that I always think the best when I'm driving and I always put to words in my writing what is going on in my head and my heart. That's how my Grandpa Jack is... He writes for a living now, and he expresses his heart throughout all his books. One thing that always stood out to me about my grandfather and his writing, was his love for my Grandmother. My Grandma Fran was a wonderful woman. Her smile had the ability to lighten any mood and her hospitality always warmed people's hearts... I have always wanted to be like her, I have always strived for the qualities that she displayed here on earth, even through her sickness. And above all, I have always strived for the love between her and my grandfather. I don't think i have ever seen a love so strong and so inspiring. So strong in fact, that it still lives on to this day...years after her passing away from my Grandpa. He still cries when he speaks of her, and still misses her more and more every day. 60 years they were together... And he still loves her with all his heart. They made marriage look easy, they made it look like it was a blissful breeze. Oh how they have impacted my life and my heart. I only pray that I can strive for a marriage like that... That even through the stubbornness of each other, the hard times, the trials, the bad days, and the disagreements... That there will always be a fire in each heart that burns for the other. That after decades of being together, the love has only bonded them closer together. My Grandparents are my heroes and my inspiration... I love my Grandpa, and I miss my grandma more than anything. In closing, I look back at a memory of my grandma after she had gotten sick and no longer remembered who I was. Every moment I looked at her, she smiled. She smiled from her heart and displayed true contentment even through her sickness. Her laugh and her smile brought a warmth to anyone's heart... I still remember her smile, and I cherish it in my heart hoping to never forget it. Nicholas Sparks said it best when he wrote, "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds." I'm sure when he wrote that he meant it to be for two human beings... But I read it and think about Jesus, and the love he has for us and how his love has the ability to plant a fire in our hearts and bring peace to our minds.