When the going gets tough.

As a girl, I am always thinking about my future. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only girl out there who dreams about the life she is going to live, who she'll marry, how may kids she'll have, and the list goes on. Usually these kind of thoughts enter my mind when I'm alone or before I go to bed. I know God has a plan for me, and that his plan is greater than mine and with all my heart I believe in his plan...But the challenge is allowing him to shape me and form me to who I really am. Lately, something has been troubling my heart and to my surprise the trouble my mind and heart were going through had nothing to with myself and my life, but instead the person I love most in this world. I think the hardest part about loving someone and giving your heart away to that person is handling their feelings. With Aaron and I--at least for me--I don't try to be myself, it comes naturally... without any effort in trying to be someone I'm not, I can be myself and he has always loved me for who I am. Lately though, he's been worn out and exhausted over his life juggling work, school, family, life, friends, God...and me. I don't want to feel like a job to him, I don't want to be something that wears him out and wears him down to his core. Albert Ellis once wrote, "The art of love...is largely the art of persistence." Persistence is an act of not giving up, to keep going when the going gets tough. To me, love is giving your all...Love is giving a part of yourself away that you never even knew you had...its the inspiration you get and the breath of fresh air. Love is absolute...and while it seems like madness, its really sheer perfection. It's been scary giving away everything to the person I love, because sooner or later you give away parts that you can't get back. Prayer changes everything, so that's my goal and effort for this week that didn't start out very well...Prayer.


Job 11:18 "You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety."





xoxo,
Jewels

let the rain fall down and wake my dreams.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once said, "The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain." It has been a stormy couple of days in Southern California, and for those who don't already know, rain is my favorite weather. Although the sun is beautiful and warming, its nice to see, feel, and hear the rain every once in awhile. It has actually been a really great week, right before this storm came in, I had a chance to go to La Jolla with my friend Sarah for the day, enjoying the beautiful weather for a day. We walked along the La Jolla shores, ate lunch by the beach and walked around town for a couple hours shopping in the cute town...then the storm headed our way. Saturday morning I woke up to the rain, and was finding things to do inside while the storm began. So in an effort to stay busy, I made a orange cloved air freshener that my mom taught me to do. Simply take an orange and cover it completely with cloves (be careful they can hurt your fingers). 

It smells so wonderful, and lasts for a long time!

After doing so, I got ready for the day and watched the storm begin. I knew that any minute it was going to start pouring rain because I could hear the thunder outside, so before it got bad...I went to get Starbucks for the family :)

Getting stormy!

The day was filled with beautiful showers and thunder storms, it was the best! At the end of the day, I found myself in my room, going through old things...finding things that I seemed to have forgotten about. 

First, I found an old journal I used to write everything in... random things I heard, quotes I loved, and poems from years ago... and inside a piece of paper my grandfather gave to me before my grandma passed away, "Happiness keeps you sweet, trials keep you going, sorrows keep you human, success keeps you glowing, God keeps you going." I used to hold onto that in my wallet day by day to remind me. With these things, I found a necklace that used to be my best friend, Sophy's...and to my surprise, its an owl...something I never noticed before. God sure has a way of putting people in your life.

Hope everyone enjoys the stormy weather.

God bless,

Jewels

Love is in the Air.

William Shakespeare once wrote,"Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Love alters not with time's brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom."Well love is certainly in the air with this beautiful Valentine's weekend. The beginning of the weekend was a bit lonely, as Aaron spent some time with friends and family, I am learning to not be so attached as he needs. I finally got to spend some time with him on Sunday when he came to pick me up for a Valentine's dinner I knew I wouldn't forget. I was so excited to wear these new tights that had hearts on them, only to find that they had a tear in them! So I threw together an outfit just in time. 

He looked so handsome...I love seeing him all dressed up, its one of my favorite things ever. After taking a few pictures (photo credit to my mother) we were on our way to and unknown dinner place. Car rides could possibly be one of my favorite parts of Aaron and I's relationship. I made him this CD of songs that made me think of him...and there is one song that he sings to me with this thick country accent and it reminds me why I love him so much.

We drove to La Jolla and showed up at The Melting Pot, a nice restaurant that I had never been to. Walking up I already knew it would be a memorable night... we walked in on a red carpet. The restaurant was being used strictly for Valentine's reservations only and we were seated in a very secluded and hidden booth with a great waiter. The experience was the best, and the food was incredible.

The night was filled with cheese fondue, delicious entree's, and wonderfully silk chocolate fondue to top it off. The whole night was wonderful. Even today when we spent some time together this evening for Valentine's Day, he came over and we watched "The Bachlor" together and he changed my facebook to Pirate (clever boy).

The night ended well with a few souvenirs from the weekend... the best and only valentines I have ever had. Love truly is in the air...and I love it :)

XOXO,

Jewels

Me.

Leo Tolstoy said it best when he said, "If you want to be happy, be." These past couple weeks, I have focused too much on the things that made me unhappy. Naturally, I am a very energetic and happy person...I like helping people and doing things that I love. Lately, I've also lost my independence and was leaning on Aaron too much that he could handle...so i've been finding some "me" time. In case I haven't mentioned it before, I love nail polish...It's probably the top of my fetish list :)

These are probably about 20 of my 80+ polishes :)

My new owl ring and bright royal blue polish.

This week, I also stumbled upon an owl ring and I HAD to get it. Although its a little different for me not talking to Aaron all the time and not spending every night with him, it's what he needs and in the end, it'll be really good for us. In fact, we even went to church last night for the first time in a really long time and it was such a wonderful time. Tomorrow morning I start up my bible study again with a few girls and hope it goes well!!

Hope all is well :)

Jewels

conversation.

As you all know these past couple of weeks haven't been the smoothest, definitely took the bumpy road when it came to Aaron and I. I found that the one thing that helps more than anything else is music. Ever heard the saying, "When you can't say it, sing it?" well the one thing that helped me make that bumpy road tolerable was music and songs that just said what I couldn't put into words. Tonight, Aaron and I met for coffee to work things out... after already having two cups of coffee I let him fill up on caffeine and do the talking. It really is amazing, this idea of communication and conversation... People really can talk and speak all the time without actually saying anything. Things were discussed tonight that broke down walls that have been built up in our relationship, he finally let me in and told me how he feels on issues. He is finally letting me in all the way, and talking to me with something to say rather than staying silent. For those who don't know Aaron very well, he was hurt a while back and its been really hard for him to heal completely, and as much as I try to do that, only time and love heals that kind of pain and I know that one day all will be forgotten... but tonight I finally felt a change in him, a change that I've been waiting to see, he's breaking down the walls and letting me in. So I pray that this continues and I hope that Aaron and I can build on this change and get back to how we used to be.
God really does work in wonderful ways :)

xoxo,

Jewels

Hey Monday.

Well...It's Monday night and to be honest I can't say many good things about today. Things between Aaron and I have been...off to say the least. I feel like in the past week his attitude has really changed towards our relationship and it really scares me because I really care about him. To be honest, I can't really get the whole situation off my mind. I am the WORST and distracting myself and staying busy with unresolved issues, but I am giving him time and hopefully he'll find his way back to me. Today has been such an off day, I spilt my starbucks in my biggest class today, failed my science quiz, I've had a headache all day...and the list continues. Yes, its been one of those really off days and things definitely haven't gone my way but I know that everything happens for a reason and I know that God has a plan for me...but it doesn't make days like these any easier. I feel lonely, and a little hurt...... but I need to find strength in myself and I need to gain back my independence, learn to depend on myself and not be so dependent on others because I think I'm pulling people down.
Tomorrow is the start of a new day, and tomorrow--good or bad--is another day and that I will be thankful for.

God bless,
Jewels

Running to Stand Still.

John Steinbeck once wrote, "Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like a stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass." Change. This idea of transformation or alteration to something new. Adaption, the idea of getting used to some sort of change or adjustment. I think that we all reach a point in our lives where change happens, necessary or not. Just like the weather for every season, change is a part of life and there's no changing how life happens. The greatest part about change, and John Steinbeck stated it greatly in his quote...Change happens a little at a time, and sneaks up on us hidden in our every day lives. I know that sometimes its easy to feel like we are the only ones who are struggling, or who are going through trials. Its so easy to give up and give in to our own unhappiness, and trust me I know the feeling greatly. There's two ways to look at the change happening in your life. You can look down upon it, feel sorry for yourself and wait for something to happen in your favor...or you can let that gentle wind take you where you need to go, because change doesn't always feel beneficial or positive...or maybe it even feels like there is change going on all around us and we are simply running to stand still. Nothing is ever simple, and not everything is easy in life... but how would we recognize the greatest moments in life it they were always that great?....we wouldn't. So even in the hard days, the lazy days, happy days, and even those days where you feel so sorry for yourself... recognize that there's always something around the corner, and good or bad... let the wind take you, embrace change don't run away from it...because you'll be running from opportunity and you'll end up running just to stand still.

xoxo,

Jewels

Who are you?

I guess when looked at straight on, the question: "Who are you?" is fairly simple and straight forward. For most of us, who is are has been defined by the people that surround us and the accomplishments we have achieved through the years. Some of us let others define us, we let them judge us and put a label on us that tells the world who people think you are. For a long time, I thought I knew who I was and who I wanted to be. All my life, I've looked for love, whether it be in friendships, relationships, or simply everyday life. But can love ever be a simple definition? or have a single meaning? Love is like a flower blooming in the winter, its unexpected and beautiful... its a symbol for hope and a new beginning. All my life I've waited to find the kind of love talked about in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13: " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." All my life I have searched for this love that seems so perfect and true, and I reached a point where I couldn't believe in a love this pure and beautiful.

About six months ago, God once again showed his love towards me and blessed me with Aaron Duane Baker. Love never makes sense from the outside, and nobody understood the hastiness of our relationship and how it took flight so quickly, but from the outside...you call it madness, I call it love. Aaron is everything to me, and the best thing about us is that we aren't perfect. We have flaws and imperfections, we make mistakes and fight, we are both stubborn and sensitive...but at the end of the day its just us and the beautiful relationship God blessed us with and its truly a match made in heaven. This love, never fails... because this love is from God and dedicated to God daily.

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Aaron, and let me tell you all who are searching for love... it really does change your life and make you a better person...it makes you who you are . So when you think about who you are, you think to yourself...

i'm HAPPY.

i'm in LOVE.

i'm never ALONE.

i'm BLESSED.

Who am i? Part of the journey in life is finding who you are, picking up bits and pieces along the way, making memories of the lifelong journey. But no matter who you are, and who your with... your never really alone, God is always going to surprise you with his plans.

stop searching, start living.

xoxo,

Jewels

inspiration.

INSPIRATION is one of the greatest things in life to experience. Whether you get inspired by a piece of art, a song, a movie, or simply the world around you. We all experience those moments of inspiration, those moments where you look deeper and grasp the moment to more of an extent than normal. This week, I've learned a few new things that have inspired me. Last week, I met a girl in my math class at school. She happened to take the open seat next to me and start up a conversation...her name is Allie. From the moment we started talking, something between us just clicked. Over different occasions we have learned more about each other and actually discovered we have a world of similarities! We are two different people, but the more we talk the more we find it common! This week, just being around her she has inspired me to be more positive and to smile more, because a smile changes your attitude even if its forced...and a smile can change someone else's attitude. I know that God performs miracles, and sometimes people think that all miracles involve something miraculous happening...but God performed a miracle when he left an open seat next to me in class... because he gave me a new friend, a genuine friend. I think in life we focus too much on the bad things and what we are doing wrong, and lately I've been able to see the things I'm blessed with and thats the life I get to live.

I'm going to be more like my grandma who--despite her sickness--always had a smile to give and had the strength to warm someones heart.

Today and this week, I challenge you to see the better part of this life and smile more, and SMILE WITH A PURPOSE.

:)

Have a wonderful week.

xoxo,

Jewels