Cloudy days, Cloudy daze.

Most of the time, cloudy days bring happiness and contentment and the excitement of sipping on something warm and snuggling up close to my favorite person under a warm blanket. Today, was a cloudy day and although it was the same weather that usually brings me those warm feelings, today was a little different than normal. Today, I was feeling distracted.

There has been this feeling I've had lately that has been wearing down my happy, joyful, normal persona and I have struggled lately to figure out exactly what that feeling is. And then today, when the clouds covered the sky I also realized that it too was my mind that has been clouded. I've struggled lately with worrying and stressing about small details in my life, not knowing I was giving Satan an open door into the most dangerous place he could enter into: my mind. I'm learning as time goes on that life is all about the mindset and when we trap our thoughts in our minds, we imprison them, allowing Satan to work between the lines of our thoughts. And my thoughts as of late, have begun affecting me and bringing me down to a mindset that is completely negative and worrisome, keeping me from sharing my feelings. 

I've never been the best at communication. I can sit down and talk for a hours, giving advice, but a lot of the time, I'm trapping my deepest thoughts and worries in my mind, giving Satan something to work with to bring me down. How did I make it so easy for him? Well, that's just how he works, like a lion waiting to catch his prey. Before I knew it, my mind was clouded and so was my judgement, causing me to be distracted and my feelings to be altered. And then I remembered...

When the sky is covered with dark and gloomy clouds for a long period of time, we start to forget what clear skies look like. We bundle up in our coats and scarves and conform to the weather and it isn't until the smallest of light that shines through those clouds that we truly remember what sunshine feels like. And one day, we wake up to clear skies and the warm sun which always makes us feel refreshed and renewed. 

We don't get to control what days are sunny and what days are cloudy, but we do get to control the mindset we have on those days. I won't allow my mind to be clouded any longer, because I see the sun shining through the smallest of places to remind me that those clouds simply cover, not erase what lies behind them and sometimes, all it takes is a little faith that the sunshine will come streaming though. 

Conquered

George Mallory, who took part in the first three British expeditions to Mount Everest once said, "People ask me, 'What is the use of climbing Mount Everest?' and my answer must at once be, 'It is of no use.' There is not the slightest prospect of any gain whatsoever. Oh, we may learn a little about the behaviour of the human body at high altitudes, and possibly medical men may turn our observation to some account for the purposes of aviation. But otherwise nothing will come of it. We shall not bring back a single bit of gold or silver, not a gem, nor any coal or iron... If you cannot understand that there is something in man which responds to the challenge of this mountain and goes out to meet it, that the struggle is the struggle of life itself upward and forever upward, then you won't see why we go. What we get from this adventure is just sheer joy. And joy is, after all, the end of life. We do not live to eat and make money. We eat and make money to be able to live. That is what life means and what life is for.” Today, I got to experience a bit of an adventure myself and that was my first outdoor climb. Growing up, I've always done what is right and good in the eyes of others. I always obeyed the rules and tried to learn from others' mistakes. It was rare that I did the unordinary, that I stepped out of 

my comfort zone and really lived. And today, I did just that. 

 

Words cannot really explain the feelings that flow through your mind and soul when you truly accomplish something you were afraid of and so hesitant about. But I did it. I put faith in myself and set my mind to doing something out of the box, out of my comfort zone, something challenging. The greatest part about the entire climb was reaching the top... not because it was over but because I accomplished something that I thought was out of reach. And in that very moment I realized what God wants for my life. He wants me to experience and live in his creation instead of worrying about what could happen. Matthew 6:27, "Can any one of you by worrying, add a single hour to your life?" Worry does nothing but allow ache and stress into the mind that God created to be free and passionate about his gift of creation and life. I am learning each & every day what it is like to truly be alive and most of the time it's doing something new and scary. With the right amount of caution and a good head on my shoulders I am learning that I can achieve what I put my mind to & today that is 

what I learned. Many people may think it's reckless or perhaps irresponsible... but it's so much more than what meets the eye.

A Symbol of God's Promise

Life is all about learning how to dance in the rain, its all about weathering the storm & taking what life throws at you... because most of the time, it's what God has placed directly in your path for you to overcome. What mountain did God place in your path to conquer? You are a conqueror & so am I. 

He sees the adventurer in me & so much more.

Tis the Season

Christmastime... it is always the same every year:

1. Get the Christmas Tree
2. Decorate it.
3. Drink Lots of Egg Nog.
4. Holiday Drinks
5. Sweaters, boots, & scarves.
6. Shopping
7. Christmas Parties
8. Ugly Christmas Sweaters
9. Christmas Movies
10. Christmas Music
11. The Christmas Story
12. Christmas Church Service
13. Christmas dinner
14. Candy & Cookies
15. Warm Fires

The list can go on and on about these annual events that are always exactly the same, and yet somehow, I never get tired of Christmas. Maybe the holiday music gets old after awhile and eventually I run out of red clothing and Christmas sweaters, but overall Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year. This year, I felt like it has been extra special though because I have been able to share it with someone so special to me. I think the thing I love most about the relationship I have with Cory is that we are both so different and yet we share so many things in common. It sounds ridiculous and may not make sense but if you have known Cory or myself for any length of time you are aware of how different our personalities are, but God designed us that way to perfectly fit together.
I am feeling immensely thankful this year for all that I have in my life: friends, family, church, and my relationship with God. Each day brings something new to be thankful for and each year around this time I find myself being extra grateful for this life and how I got this life which was all because God sent his son to be born in a manger by a Virgin. How grateful I am that I serve a sacraficial and graceful God.

Merry Christmas.

Life is a Climb

Lately, I have been realizing how much life is like a climb. You have to trust in your hands and feet, but most of all you need confidence in your mind and faith in every move you make. Sometimes, holding on is hard. It feels like you don’t have the strength to hold on or the power to make it past that one part. Whereas, sometimes you come across something you can really hold onto, something you can trust.

I have always had a hard time with trust. I’ve always allowed a pool of thoughts drown my mind in doubt. It wasn’t until I found Cory that I started to change this habit that I had adapted over many years. He has become that one part of my climb that I can hold onto with ease and trust that I won’t slip and fall.

And just like climbing, some routes are difficult and some of them are routine that can be done with ease. But the trick is to challenge yourself, push your limits, and face your fears. For a long time I’ve never known of doing these things, instead I placed myself in a mindset that I was unable or even worse…incapable.

This past week, I challenged myself in both my climbing and my life. After attempting one route for so long, I decided to try it one last time and I was determined to trust and have faith in my climbing. The higher I got, the more difficult it was to hold on and have faith that I wouldn’t lose strength. Finally, I reached for the final move and gripped the very top with both hands. “I did it” I said to myself quietly. I hung there for a second to see how far I had come then I let go and as I looked up to what I just accomplished I felt relief, success, and confidence.

In life, we have many routes, many trials. The further through these routes and trials we get, the more difficulty presents itself. It’s like the Devil is sitting there saying, “Just let go now. You don’t have the ability to finish this route or get through this trial.” Whereas, God stands at the top saying, “Just a few more moves, have faith, have confidence. Reach for my hand and I will get you to your destination safely. Trust in me. And when you get to the top and it’s time to fall, I will provide a safe landing.”

Jeremiah 7:8 says, “But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless.” How often I was trusting in the words of my deceptive mind, when all I needed was to find hope in my Lord? Could it be that simple?

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”   -Romans 15:13

Life’s a climb and sometimes, all it requires is some hope and a little trust that we have what it takes to accomplish anything. Not because we have enough strength of our own, but because we have the strength of a God who is all-powerful.  

Day Twelve of Thankfulness

I know I haven't been posting something everyday, but I try and write at least one every few days...
Today I am thankful for days off. This morning, I got to sleep in & wake up at my own pace. Made myself some hot cocoa mixed with coffee and did some homework. Spend the mid-portion of the day with my Mom and brother having lunch and shopping. I spent the rest of the afternoon sipping on coffee while I worked on a project for someone special. I forgot what it felt like to have a day for myself. Thank you Jesus for relaxation.

Day 6 of Thankfulness

Today I am thankful for Sophie.

Sophie and I grew up together. She was one of those middle school and junior high girls I envied before I really knew her. Towards the beginning of high school, people began mixing us up and calling us each others names. It wasn't until we were Sophomores that we finally connected.

In all the years I have known her, she has shown me the true meaning of strength and independence. With the smile she puts on every day, you would assume that her life is perfect. Wrong--she just holds herself at a higher level. She sees herself the way God sees her.

We have been through so much together. I couldn't be more thankful for the bond we have and the kind of friend she has been to me. I'm thankful that she's always been truthful, loyal, loving, and strong. Lastly, I am thankful for the laughter she's blessed me with over these years. It makes me smile just thinking about the endless nights we stayed up talking and laughing until we cried. Forever there will be memories hidden in my heart about this dear Sophie.

Cheers to Friendship.

Day Five of Thankfulness

Today I am thankful for my bible.

When I was younger, I always remember reciting "His Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path" but it wasn't until recently that I truly understood these words. When we memorize things, we don't usually pay too much attention to the meaning of the statements or words, we rather just try our best to memorize what we have to.

God's word truly is a gift to all of us. From Genesis to Revelation, he has given us real life stories, lessons, proverbs to live by, and most importantly: truth. Never once in the Bible does He send us astray, never once is there error. His words are timeless and will always be there as I change.

Thank God for the wisdom he put on every one of those pages.