A Great Reminder

"I hear You say My love is over,
It's underneath, it's inside, it's in between
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel
The times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
The times you've broken, the times that you mend
The times you hate Me and the times that you bend

Well My love is over, it's underneath

It's inside, it's in between,
These times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
The times you're hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal
In times of confusion and chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
My love, I will keep you by My power alone
I dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
I'll never forsake you
My LOVE never ends, it never ends"

                                                                 -Tenth Avenue North

Family.

"What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed there, regardless. It wasn't just about blood relations or shared chromosomes, but something wider, bigger. We have many families over time: our family of origin, the family we created, as well as the groups you moved through while all of this was happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them were perfect, and we couldn't expect them to be. You couldn't make any one person your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build a world from it."- Sarah Dessen

I read that quote awhile back when I read her book, Lock and Key and this weekend I was reminded of these specific words. When they came to my mind, I opened the book and found those lines and read them through over and over again. After doing so, I asked myself: "What is family, to me?" It was more than just a group of people I was born into. They were the people who we grow up learning from, the people whose genes are a part of our very own blue print. Chances are, most characteristics and things that make us who we are can be traced back to our parents and how they raised us and how they were raised. Growing up, I learned something different from each of my family members. From my Mom, I learned to give. She is a woman of God who gives with all of her heart, with no strings attached and no expectations for anything in return. From my dad, I learned strength and patience. He is the most knowledgeable, strong, and patient man I know in this entire world, he always, regardless of the circumstances, stayed strong and stayed loving and patient. From my Sister Ashley, I learned to follow my heart. She has always had the Independence and courage to do whatever she wanted, she took leaps of faith and did whatever it took to make her happy, she always took life into her own hands. From my brother Josh, I learned to always stand tall. He has always had a good head on his shoulders, and always has the ability to separate logic and emotion, and how to communicate both of those things. And lastly, my youngest brother Bradley who has taught me compassion. I have never seen or experienced a heart as big as his, who loves and cares deeply about those around him.

You see, although I only talked about a few things each person has taught me... They each have taught me something significantly different. I have been able to take what they had to offer, and turn it into who I am today. Families have trials, they have rough patches, they annoy you, get on your nerves... sometimes you don't know how you came from them.... but regardless of how you feel about your family, they are just that... your family. They were there the day you were born and they will be the ones sitting in the front row at our funerals. God HAND PICKED our families for us, for some reason these people that were born in, married into our families, are there for a reason. We may not ever be able to understand it, we may not always like it... but it is our job to trust that God knows what he is doing, and he knew what he was doing when he mapped out our lives and the people we would spend them with.

I pray that whoever you are, wherever you are... that you take a step back from the issues, the problems, the brokeness, the stubborness... whatever it is, and just thank God for the people he supplied you with. The people that have always loved you, regardless of the decisions or choices you have made. I encourage you to look at what these people can teach you, what they can do to help you be a better person... I encourage you to find the good in those around you, because its there... we are just so blinded by the factors of our fallen world, that we forget that Jesus saw the good in even the worst... the prostitutes, the liars, the cheats, the broken...

Romans 8: 38-39 says, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Love as Jesus loved, be a follower of a God who is LOVE.

The Best Love

It's that time of the year when school is wrapping up and summer is creeping closer and closer. I am finishing up my second year at California State University of San Marcos, and it has gone by much quicker than I imagined it would. Although I am usually the kind of person to make a plan and follow through with it... College has been different. I found myself starting out as a liberal studies major, studying to become a teacher one day... But then after two semesters, I changed my major to business to become a part of my family's business that my grandfather started. After only one semester I realized how unhappy I was with my decision. I wanted more than anything to be apart of the business and make a difference there... But I knew in my heart that this business degree would make me unhappy. So now I have changed yet again... I am now a Marketing and Communications major full time, and in the near future I will be taking classes for product design for the business and I am SO happy with my decision. But in order to move on to this next semester, I have to get through this one which is only about 3 more weeks. All the stress and busyness has seemed to be getting to me. I find myself more stressed and more tired than normal, I couldnt be more ready for Summer. Part of me wants to just hop in my car and drive... Without a plan and without a worry. I've found that lately, driving has been my getaway... It always has been, driving and writing. It seems to me that I always think the best when I'm driving and I always put to words in my writing what is going on in my head and my heart. That's how my Grandpa Jack is... He writes for a living now, and he expresses his heart throughout all his books. One thing that always stood out to me about my grandfather and his writing, was his love for my Grandmother. My Grandma Fran was a wonderful woman. Her smile had the ability to lighten any mood and her hospitality always warmed people's hearts... I have always wanted to be like her, I have always strived for the qualities that she displayed here on earth, even through her sickness. And above all, I have always strived for the love between her and my grandfather. I don't think i have ever seen a love so strong and so inspiring. So strong in fact, that it still lives on to this day...years after her passing away from my Grandpa. He still cries when he speaks of her, and still misses her more and more every day. 60 years they were together... And he still loves her with all his heart. They made marriage look easy, they made it look like it was a blissful breeze. Oh how they have impacted my life and my heart. I only pray that I can strive for a marriage like that... That even through the stubbornness of each other, the hard times, the trials, the bad days, and the disagreements... That there will always be a fire in each heart that burns for the other. That after decades of being together, the love has only bonded them closer together. My Grandparents are my heroes and my inspiration... I love my Grandpa, and I miss my grandma more than anything. In closing, I look back at a memory of my grandma after she had gotten sick and no longer remembered who I was. Every moment I looked at her, she smiled. She smiled from her heart and displayed true contentment even through her sickness. Her laugh and her smile brought a warmth to anyone's heart... I still remember her smile, and I cherish it in my heart hoping to never forget it. Nicholas Sparks said it best when he wrote, "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds." I'm sure when he wrote that he meant it to be for two human beings... But I read it and think about Jesus, and the love he has for us and how his love has the ability to plant a fire in our hearts and bring peace to our minds.

Independently Dependent

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God…will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus… And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Reading from Philippians 4, these verses specifically stood out to me after my devotional today. After I read through both of my devotionals, I thought about the difference in two people: independent and dependant.

An independent person, someone who is free from the influence, guidance, or control of another or others… someone who is self-reliant. This kind of person is someone who doesn’t always need others, who can rely on themselves rather than looking to others for affirmation or help.

A dependent person is just the opposite. Someone who relies on another or others for support or for guidance. Some might say, these are the lovers of the world… the ones who just cannot bear to be alone.

When these two different personalities came to my mind, I examined myself and found that naturally I am a dependent person. I enjoy the presence of other people and quality time with people one on one. I love giving advice, and I love receiving advice. When I make decisions about my life, most of the time it is after I have talked to someone close in my life for guidance. But then I looked at other close people in my life and found that I had a variety of friends both independent and dependent. Neither of which was bad, just different. But then I thought about my relationship with God, did it reflect my personality or was it the opposite?

God has designed us to need him in every moment of everyday, he created us not be self-sufficient and independent but to have a constant reliance on him. He wants us to be aware of our inability to get through life alone and recognize that he can meet each and every need that is in accordance with his plan, and it does not drain him or his resources at all. My devotional related our relationships with God to our relationships here on earth… If I were to only have a short conversation with Cory once or maybe twice a day, or just go days maybe even weeks without spending quality time with him… our relationship would fall to pieces. If I expected our relationship to be easy and not have to do any work, it would not function… as it is the same with our relationships with Jesus Christ. It takes quality time, conversation, trust, faith, forgiveness, grace, and understanding… All of the same bases of foundation needed for our relationships in our own lives. But why should we be surprised that our relationships with others should reflect our relationship with God? God calls us to love others, that when we love our brother or our enemy, we are loving God. GOD is love… Every form of love was created by God, for us to love God and love others, to build relationships with people and our relationship with God.

God is always there, always waiting for us... always loving us. It is US that has to make the decision to love him in return, to serve him in return... It's all on us, to be independently dependent on our Father and to have a relationship built on the same values and respect as any other relationship.

Trust.

Trust. By definition, is the “reliance on the integrity, strength, and ability of a person or thing.” For a long time, I gave trust out to anyone and everyone and I quickly learned that I was easily let down. When I learned that handing trust out like that wasn’t working, I changed my mindset and began to rarely give my trust away. When I stopped trusting people, I found that my trust in God faded as well, and I constantly worried about each tomorrow, each moment that wasn’t in my grasp. I sat back and watched myself give trust to the wrong people and get hurt, and I watched myself become distant from God and relationships when I became incapable of trusting. And then, when I found that neither extreme brought me to a good place, I had to find a middle ground. Matthew 6:34 states, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Reading that verse, made me want to really learn how to live one day at a time. This course of action would be extremely difficult for me because I am a planner and a worrier, and keeping my mind set on only 24 hours seemed unrealistic.  But trusting God, one day at a time, kept me close to him and responsive to his wants and needs for me. By looking at only those 24 hours, I found that not only it was easier to handle, but easier to reach my goal and keep my eyes fixed on Him.  Trust, as I am learning, is not a natural response, especially for people like me who have had it mishandled. But our teacher is in our hearts, always available for moments of weakness and times of insecurity.

This “reliance on the integrity, strength, and ability” of God, is by far one of the hardest and challenging commands, but when I realized that NO detail of my life is hidden from him, I thought “How could I not trust the creator of the universe, the one who views me through his eyes of grace?” Trust, in God, is by far one of the deepest and most incomprehensible things in this universe, because he asks us to trust him enough to accept full forgiveness that he offers continually, trust him enough to know he will not leave or forsake us, that he has a plan for our future, that in all aspects of our life… we need to rely on HIS trust and not the trust of ourselves or the world. And in order to keep my eyes on him, I need to recognize that I am weak and HE is the supplier of my strength. He supplies me with everything that I will ever need that equates to his plan, so what have I been so worried about? It was MY plan that was causing me to fall, not his.

And now, I am finding peace in his presence and I am not hesitating to receive the joy that he gives abundantly and the blessings that he overflows me with. In a relationship that seemed too good to be true, I started to trust him, and I found that I am able to easily receive his blessings, his joy, his presence, and all other things abundantly… for he commands me in Psalm 46, to be still and know that he is God. Ephesians 3:17-19 states, “So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being so rooted and established in love, may have power, together will all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know that this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Who God is, is beyond my knowledge… but I do know that when I really think about how great he actually is… it’s easier to rely on him, and more importantly, it’s easier to trust in him…Because if I cannot trust a God who never changes, then who can I trust? Trust in nonexistent and unreliable if it isn’t placed in the hands of the creator of all… I guess it really has been that simple all along.

Time for a Getaway

This last Friday I took the day off for a mini road trip to Palm Springs. Cory had been there for about eight days at a fair where he was playing the drums with two other guys. My best friend Sophie and I started out on our little trip with a road mix CD and some iced coffee. After making a stop at a random gas station to use a ghetto bathroom and grab some snacks, we finally arrived to our destination a couple hours later. 

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I was so excited because I hadn't seen Cory in over a week, and that was our longest time apart. We spent the whole day at the fair in the warm 85 degree weather. We walked around, drank frozen lemonade, ate some friend zucchini, watched Cory and the guys play, and met all of the other entertainers. 

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After a long day in the heat, Cory, Soph, and I headed to dinner in the town where we ate at a delicious Mexican restaurant that his family goes to called Las Casuelas. After enjoying a wonderful dinner and even better company, we made our way back to the hotel where we went in the spa, then hung out in the room listening to music and enjoying each other's personalities. We finally got to bed around 1230 where Soph and I shared a bed so big we had about 2 feet between us all night long. 

A couple of the other entertainers :)

Walking in town...

Dinnertime!

Cory woke us up in the morning to two hot coffees from Starbucks, my favorite... it put a smile on my face. We finished getting ready and headed to breakfast to a small place down the street before heading back home. I didn't want to leave him, but I knew that I would see him soon enough when he comes home. So we departed from Cory after breakfast and headed back home. The drive back was such a great time because Sophie and I were able to talk about so many different interesting things about relationships and how both of our journey's have been so different. After 2 hours of pure conversation, we finally arrived home.

It was a wonderful night that we spent in Palm Springs to see Cory. Soph was able to get to know him a little better and put her stamp of approval on him for me :) Now I will spend the rest of my weekend studying for my upcoming exams... accompanied by a couple cups of coffee, of course!

God Bless!
xoxo,
Jewels

dei gratia

How is it, that one person can affect us so much? Think about it, something as little as someone opening the door for you can point your day and attitude in a better direction. When someone acts negatively towards us whether it be something small like getting cut off when driving or something greater. We don't really pay attention to the fact that one person can impact our attitude, our day, our views, how we talk, and how we treat people, and even our lives.

Lately, I've experienced this in such a positive way. About three months ago, when Cory walked into my life I had no clue what God was doing. And now, after spending almost every day together I know exactly why God placed him in my life. He's someone I can share my love for God with, my passion, my struggles, my happiness, and myself. I find my happiness magnified, my attitude changed, and my view on life different. He is someone that has impacted my life in such a short time and in such a positive way. I get to grow with someone and watch them grow in their own way. Even in the past 3 months I've seen how much Cory has grown in life and how much he has helped me grown. He is someone who encourages me and builds me up...and the life that I am experiencing is almost impossible to describe. My excitement and happiness is unable to be put to words, and that has never happened to me before.

I have always had the ability to use words to express feeling. There hasn't been a time in my life where I have experience something too great and too wonderful that I just cannot simply explain, until now... and I think that's how love should be. God's love for us was so strong that it wasn't through words, but in actions when he sent his only son to hang on a cross where He died and through his actions he demonstrated the greatest love that will ever exsist. I feel so blessed....with the love of my Creator, the love of my family, and now the love of a man that makes me a better person. I may not be able to put it to words, but I know that I am forever thankful to be abundantly blessed in this life... all by the grace of God.