Love Always

Once upon a time, there was an Arizona Wedding.

So over spring break I went to Arizona for my cousin's wedding... and I got a chance to spend some time with my mom's side of the family which I don't get to do very often. We stayed with my Uncle Brant, whom I hadn't seen in a very long time. I think the greatest part was meeting my real grandpa. I had met him before at my sister's wedding about 6 years ago...but it was short and quick so it didn't count.

Me, my Grandpa Dave, and my little brother, Bradley.

We got a chance to talk and get to know him, and even more importantly... my mom had a chance to reconnect with him, and ask him questions of her past that she wanted answered. Then came the wedding, and it sure was a desert wedding! It was a great time, spending some quality time with a TON of my distant family.

Above is a picture of me and my brother at the wedding... it amazed me because he is only a few inches from passing me up!!!!! I stood in amazement :)

On another note, I heard from Aaron today... he wants to meet and talk about something thats been on his chest. I can't help but be nervous and scared, because my heart still aches... and I honestly thought I'd never see him again and now I will after exactly a month... I need to stand strong though, God holds my heart and he is the source of my strength. 

Have a wonderful week :)

Jewel

a dream is a wish your heart makes.

I think the greatest thing about dreams is not knowing when they are going to come true. Sometimes the greatest part about life is the uncertainty of it.  The uncertainty of tomorrow and the potential it holds. Sometimes life is taken advantage of, we hope and we expect so much out of each day, and it looses it’s magic. All of the moments that can’t ever be replaced slip away, and the fear of your heart keeps you from your destiny. But what is there to fear… without pain there would be no struggle, and without struggle there would be no healing. Healing, this act or process of mending. Sometimes, wounds heal quickly and sometimes they take time. Its how we mend these wounds that really matters though, whether it be by friends or family, or even yourself. I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past month, I was made aware of how strong I actually am and how true my heart is. Even after all Aaron has done to hurt me, I can’t help but constantly pray for him and his heart. I wish I could just hate him and not think about the lies and hurtful words… but that’s not who I am. This life has so much to offer me, and each day has the potential to change my life. I have a wish in my heart, and I believe with everything I have, that my dream will come true one day. But I also have to believe in the uncertainty of it… and the fear and pain that it might come with. One day I’ll look back and be thankful for these times of struggle, because its not that it makes me feel weak, it’s that it made me strong.

One thing that I also realized about myself is my love for music, I listen to it basically all day and I fall asleep to it at night. I spend my time at the piano, and now I am learning to play the guitar. It's so healing for me... sometimes, even if its for a few minutes... my heart isn't broken anymore. And sometimes, songs can say what my heart was afraid to feel...enjoy.

xoxo,

Jewels

I am different.

Dei Gratia.

In this life, you never really get what you deserve. Whether you deserve better, or worse. People get by with doing terrible things all the time...and some people have bad things happen to them, that they don't really deserve. If I have learned anything in the past few weeks its strength. I know that understanding may never come, and I know that an apology from the one that hurt me probably won't come either. But what I have also learned is that you can't change people, you can't make people care about you if they never did to begin with, and you sure can't make some one love you. I guess after this heart break I thought I wasn't enough, wasn't worth the truth...But I realize even more now that it's not that I wasn't worth the truth, its that it wasn't worth my time. People lie, people cheat, they manipulate, and they hurt you... and the thing that's hard to accept for everyone is that people don't care. My issue has always been caring too much, putting my heart into things and being let down. Now, as guarded as ever, I have to find myself. And I am learning how to live my life, each day is a trial and every moment is a battle but I know that there is someone out there for me, someone who won't lie or cheat, or have to pretend to love me...someone that will love me for who I am. God is my strength every day, and he challenges me, tempts me, and puts obstacles on this road, but i am different, and I am alive. I need to stop waiting for people to care, for people to change... I don't need those people, the ones that make me feel so small and weak. I need God, and thats who I have. So if you ask me, I've got it all.. By the grace of God.

xoxo, 

Jewels

The start of an age.

This past week was my best friend Sophia's spring break, I am so happy that it was this last week because she has been a lot of help..but I also missed having her around. I am sad that she goes back to school tomorrow, but I am so thankful for the time we spent together. Over the break we did plenty of things, we had bible study, went to clay n latte, had a girls night, got coffee (lots of it), went to Encinitas and took a ton of pictures. We both had the best time this past week, even through the simplest moments.

My best friend.

The beautiful field we found!

We both talked about how we dressed and how we were going to start challenging ourselves to dress better and blog about it! Although she already does this more than I do, it will be fun.

Check out her blog at: www.ahandfulofflowers.blogspot.com

It's time for me to start over, take all of the weeds out of my life and focus on God and myself. I know there is someone out there for me and I have already begun praying for that person, whoever they are. But as of now, I am living in the moment...thankful for what I have and who i have around me.

I'll be posting more pictures soon... enjoy!!

xoxo,

Jewels

dei gratia.

Possible future tattoo..................

I wouldn't get it on my wrist though, somewhere I could hide.

Its a latin phrase and means: "By the grace of God."

Just an idea, probably won't get it but I have been writing on my hand almost everyday to remind me that by the grace of God I can be alive and able to serve a purpose... and more importantly, I am here because of God's grace. We all have a purpose, whats yours?

A new change :)

Before :)

As promised, I am posting some pictures of my hair :) I spent about 5 and a half hours at the salon trying to get it back to a color that is closer to my natural hair color. After stripping my hair of color, which took 3 and a half hours... we found that my hair was reddish ORANGE...and let me tell you, the picture doesn't even do it justice.

After the color was taken out...

Then she worked on dying my hair a lighter brown and adding in some highlights to get my new hair!

After :)

Although its hard to tell completely through this picture, I LOVE IT :) Besides my hair, I've been spending a lot of time with my best friend sophy, having sleepovers, going to target, getting coffee... we even got matching PJ's (i know, we're lame)

Its been really great having her back home, keeping my mind busy and getting back to how things used to be. I am now officially on spring break and my goal is to post some cute outfit pictures this week!

Hope all is well in the world, please be praying for JAPAN!!

xoxo,

Jewels