defeated.

A thousand times I've failed

Still your mercy remains

And should I stumble again

Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise become my embrace

To love You from the inside out.

Tonight I attended a college group at a local church by the name of North Coast Church. Lately, I have felt in arms length of God. I've felt that if I made that effort to reach out and hold onto him, that I would feel his touch and feel his embrace. I came to church tonight... brokenhearted and with this feeling of emptiness in my soul. If its anything that moves my heart, its during worship... during music. Music has always been so healing to me, through everything I've been through... Tonight during this song, I felt that God literally took hold of my life and overflowed inside of me some sort of comfort. In this moment of worship, in my heart I felt three simple words: God is enough. 

I asked myself, "What is it that I want?" and I thought to myself, "I want to be pointed in the right direction and know the right way. I want to know the truth and be worthy of it. I want to live my life with a purpose and have it matter. And then, I realized that God is enough for me, and that what I want is God because God is the WAY the TRUTH and the LIFE. 

Tonight.... I felt defeated by the love and the grace of God. I felt that my broken heart was in the hands of God and believed that he has the power to heal, even for someone who is unworthy. I felt defeated in the idea that God has a plan, and that he created me in the image of himself to live this life completely for him. I could be alone the rest of my life and still be overflowing with this love and this deep romance that I have with God. I could live my life with Christ as my Savior and be happier and more satisfied with my time here than anyone on this earth, because God is Enough. There are going to be hard days, and my heart will still ache for that love of this world... but tonight I am defeated by the love and the power and the grace of God.

I am here by the grace of God, and God is Enough for me.