I wasn't moving forward and I wasn't climbing down, instead I was at a stand-still, allowing myself to be completely vulnerable in a place and moment of weakness. So I built up the guts, and found some trust and found myself at the top of my first 5.8 lead climb.
Growing up I wasn't involved in many sports, unless you count cheerleading, which most people don't. I hardly pushed myself to excel in physical activities, not because I couldn't, but because it was foreign to me. I stuck to what I knew I was good at, rather than trying something new and learning if I was good at anything else.
Climbing has been a challenge for me, its been a growing process, but most importantly it's been such a real example of what life is meant to be, and even an example of what our relationships with God are supposed to be like.
Vulnerability, "the state of being exposed."
Each time I find myself on the wall, I find the unfamiliar feeling of vulnerability. It's an uncomfortable feeling and most the time I find myself giving into those feelings and giving up. But when I take a look back at that day on my first lead climb, I remember what that man said, "It is in these moments that you have your biggest break-throughs." BOOM, it hit me so hard. In our weakest moments, perhaps our most painful, is when God can truly use us and work through us. Because we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, or exposed, we are able to present our true selves and our true feelings rather than the masks we try and wear.
When we give into the vulnerability, we lose. We lose sight of every ounce of trust and ability to move forward and instead focus so hard on what we cannot do rather than on what we can do. What happens if I slip? What if I can't make the move? What if I can't hold on? What happens is, you fall into the harness, it catches you. But let me ask you this: what happens when you don't slip, when you do make the move, when you do hold on, when you push through those doubts and vulnerability? It's when you make your biggest breakthroughs... You realize you are capable and that the vulnerability is a fleeting emotion and able to be conquered.
I encourage you, whether it be in physical activity, your relationship with God, your relationship with others, or even just with life to push through your doubts and instead of remaining stand-still in a moment of weakness, to push on. Because whether you find success, or you fall... We serve a God who catches us, who uses us, who uses the good and the bad, the success and the failure.
Do you remember the story of Peter, when Jesus asked him to walk out onto the water? He asked him to do the impossible. Most of the time, God isn't asking you to do the impossible... Most of the time, he is asking you to just be brave and make a step in any direction.
So be brave, take chances and live your life... because I promise you that whether you find success or you find failure, there will still be accomplishment in the fact that you tried and pushed yourself in moments of vulnerability. Because it is in those weak moments, that we have our biggest breakthroughs.